Tonight at 10The world is ending againAnd we know why and whenSo you better watchWe got a bit with some feminist chickAnd also a picture of a starlet's crotch!Two people died, a double homicideTheir bodies found insideOf a wishing wellAnd we tackle the flawsIn these obesity lawsIn this segment that's sponsoredBy Taco BellWe've got violence, danger, sex, and drugsAnd it's awesome cause all of it's real!We do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the viewsThat you feel...All of this and more and liveOnly on the Channel 5 News!Only on the Channel 5 News!(We've got Chip Walker, live at the scene, with breaking news! Chip are you there?)Chip Walker hereAm I coming in clear?I'm standing nearTo the scene of the crimeThis Iraqi guy's shopSeemed a newsworthy spotSo we've been gathering shots here for quite some timeToday, real fastThe owner's daughter passedWe grabbed a shot of her assWhile the owner was nearThen he struck my chestAnd now he's under arrestAnd now you people have one lessMan to fearThis family's angry, crying, sad, and lostAnd it's awesome, cause all of it's real!I do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel...More as this develops liveOnly on the Channel 5 News!(We go now to Max Stevens, with the weather for the weekendWhat are we looking at here, Max: umbrellas or picnic baskets?Max? Max?!We're experiencing technical difficulties, please stand byAlright, we got a signal. Cut to Max)Good evening, hiIt's your weather guyI advise you to buyAnother lightning rodWe didn't catchThis impending disasterMaybe it's natural, maybe it's GodThe sliding mudThe incoming floodWill never wash the bloodFrom my greedy old hands!This job was fun, I had a pretty good runBut I've never been one to give in to demands!People are angry, crying, sad, and lostAnd it's awful cause all of it's real!We do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel...All of this and more and liveOnly on the Channel 5Only on the Channel 5Only-only-on